How to Stop Being a Radiance Slayer

Radiance is meant-to-be.

Radiance means:

• To have the light within us lit
• To send out light
• To reflect back light
• To bounce light back and forth, in simultaneous service to ourselves and others.

What if you were to view your work as allowing your own and others’ meant-to-be radiance to come forth and shine?

I’m reminded of a children’s gospel song, which also became a civil rights anthem:

This little light of mine,

I’m going to let it shine.

Let it shine, all the time,

I’m going to let it shine.

Out in the dark…

Everywhere I go…

All around the world…

Hide it under a bushel? No!

No one’s going to blow it out!

Let it shine, all the time,

I’m going to let it shine.

There are many variations of this song, and it is well-suited to improvisation.  So, what about a little improvisation tailored to the work of the social benefit sector? And, specifically, to your role as a philanthropy – literally translated as “love of humankind” – facilitator?

You and Your Work

When you work in what’s most commonly called the “nonprofit” or “non-governmental” sector (dreadful misnomers as they’re about what you’re not, rather than what you are), love is all around you. Or it should be. Because the meant-to-be of your existence is social benefit. Or, even more aptly put, philanthropy (with the Greek root, philos, meaning love).

For love to shine you first need to turn the light on.

Whether that means metaphorically (1) finding and turning on a switch or (2) noticing sparks and fanning the flames.

Alas, often inadvertently and unconsciously, we engage in practices that do the exact opposite. We do this with our bosses, direct reports, peer colleagues, board members, volunteers, clients and donors. Rather than fanning the flames, we extinguish any little sparks, taking away all the burgeoning love, joy and moments of radiance.  We become forces for tamping out the light, setting up all sorts of barriers to facilitating and receiving gifts.

What if you could use love and empathy to allow and extend the radiance of others?

Consider what it would take to honor love, in yourself and within those with whom you work (donors included). How might you help build an ongoing practice allowing radiance in others to shine forth?

Making Luminosity Central

Every spiritual tradition describes a light inside of us.

“The Buddhist sutras speak of an inner light that is clear, unceasing, connected to consciousness. Judaism speaks of the light of the soul. Hindu texts describe the inner light of the Atman. The Psalms speak of an inner lamp, kept lit by God. Each of these traditions describes how this light can be dampened, but never extinguished…  We can become guardians of the radiance, seeking out the things that bring it, and making a change when we notice radiance is diminishing, or we aren’t seeing it much.”

— Tara Mohr, author, coach, Playing Big

Never neglect your role as a flames’ fanner, lest you become a light dampener.

Begin by redefining your job description.  There are several ways to do this.

First, you’re not a “fundraiser” but a “philanthropy facilitator.” Your job is not about monetary transactions, but love-fueled transformation. It’s not about squeezing every last drop of money out of someone, but tending to and nurturing their light. The latter leads to healthier, happier, resilient and sustainable people and organizations. The former? Not so much.

Second, you’re not a dictator but an observer/listener. Resist the temptation to pontificate, making your conversation all about you and your needs. Rather, notice when radiance shows up in others. Take note when their eyes and voice brighten, and they lean in. Treat this moment as important. Meet them in this moment. Don’t interrupt them with your own agenda.

Third, a central part of your work is to remember the moments of luminosity. This is so you can build on them later, keeping the fire lit. Continue to fan the flames that bring forth the light. Build a relationship of joy speaking to joy and light bouncing off light. Tend to the light to keep it shining bright. If it fades, let it go.  This sometimes happens in life (see my donor vortex vs. donor pyramid paradigm). Come back to it later.

Fighting for the Light

What would it look like if you fought for more radiance in the world?

One thing that would change is how you approached your work with donors. Rather than focus on quantitative metrics (i.e., numbers of “moves;” numbers “acquired” and “retained;” numbers “upgraded,” and so forth), you would focus on quality of interactions.

Light shines in moments; these are found and illuminated when you explore what brings people meaning.

Meaning is different for everyone, which is why “one size fits all” fundraising is unsustainable. What can you do to differentiate the experience of connecting with you from the experience of others who yearn for different things? How can you help supporters rediscover their own radiance, so they can envision how they might shine by engaging more actively with your cause and community?

Ask donors generative, open-ended questions.

In my own work with donors, whenever I ask what sparks joy or brings meaning I encounter a relaxing. Their eyes light up. Their voice softens. They stop fearing I’m going to “hit them up” or “twist their arm” to do something they don’t want to do. Instead, they shift towards thinking about the things they enjoy. The things they do want to do.

EXAMPLE: I once asked a donor about the best thing that had happened that week. She told me about a personal radiant experience of visiting her 93-year-old mother, and taking her dog with her on the visit. She excitedly reported her mother lit up in a way she hadn’t seen in months, petting and hugging the dog and even singing to it! I shared her joy, and took the opportunity to ask the donor if she knew about our new pet therapy program. She did not. Long story short, she and her dog became trained volunteers. And, yes, she did end up supporting the program with a philanthropic gift – one that was larger than the annual gift she’d been giving. [What if you don’t happen to work someplace that offers pet therapy? No worries. Consider other ways your work soothes people’s souls. Or move on to a different question, either today or the next time you connect. Building meaningful connections, and sparking joy, takes some patience. But you’re ahead of the game if you spark even a moment, and do nothing to extinguish that light. Your donor will feel good about the interaction, and more than ready to take your next call.]

Back to You

It’s hard to spark joy in others if you aren’t feeling it yourself.

Unfortunately, too many organizations have dysfunctional, wounded, cultures that make working there deadening.

“Loving self is tending to our radiance. Loving others is tending to theirs.”

— Tara Mohr, author, coach, Playing Big

When you feel exhausted, downtrodden, taken for granted or worse, it’s difficult to find your own internal light, let alone tend to it in others. Yet you must never forget that “little light of mine.” It’s there, just waiting to come out. All you have to do is uncover it. Even if just a little bit at a time. Because undeployed capacity to serve makes the world – and you – sad.

Never minimize your own power.

You have choices. You can turn apathy (in yourself and others) to interest. You can turn pessimism into hope. You can open and soften your heart. You can turn wounds to healing. You can make changes; you can leave. If leaving your job right now isn’t an option, you can gently shift the way you feel and tweak the way you operate. Find an outlet for your creativity; do what you can to exercise it.

“… unused creativity is not benign—it metastasizes. It turns into grief, rage, judgment, sorrow, shame.”

— Brené Brown, author, researcher, storyteller

Moving Towards Balance

What if you’re not the only one feeling unable to fully let loose your capacity to serve?

What if hundreds, thousands and tens of thousands of your peers feel this way too? Tara Mohr posits this as a likely scenario. [Note: I’m just completing my third course from her; you can read more here about her take on living in longing.]

“I was thinking about all that latent love, all that latent capacity to serve… we end up with a quantity of love that is immensely large. And then a little God-thought flickered into my mind: the only other thing I can think of that’s the same incomprehensibly massive size is the amount of suffering here. The suffering in the world—add up all the kinds, the depths—is a whole cosmos in its magnitude. But add up all the resources, the talents, the ideas, the hands, the love undeployed—it too is a cosmos, equally vast. And then it seemed clear to me: the scales are balanced. “

I was immediately reminded of the Jewish commandment of tzedakah. It’s often equated with charity, but it’s different. The root, Tzedek, means justice. It also means balance. When our world is out of balance, or without justice, it’s our job to do what we can to restore that balance. Unlike charity or philanthropy, which are voluntary, tzedakah is obligatory.

Your job is not to do everything, everywhere, all at once; it’s simply to tip the scales so we’re brought back to the source of radiance.

Maybe think about reframing your work this way?

I’d love to know what you think. Please don’t be shy to leave comments below.

Another Way to Amplify Radiance

Begin by amplifying a practice of gratitude. In How to Cultivate an Attitude of Gratitude and Keep Your Donors you’ll find everything I’ve learned over the years, all tucked into one handy no-nonsense Guide to help you tend to your donor’s light. 130 full pages, with lots of ready-to-use samples and templates. Includes Creative Ways to Thank Your Donors — with 72 ideas for you to steal!

All Clairification guides come with my no-questions-asked, 30-day, 100% refund guarantee. If you’re not happy, I’m not happy. I mean it.

Image: Three San Francisco Hearts. The Beat Goes On; Seat of Emotion; Midnight Rhapsody. Benefit for San Francisco General Hospital Foundation.